Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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