She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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