Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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