The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what day is it and did you see me today?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
