can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
