You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
