there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
