they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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