My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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