Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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