well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
