sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
