Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
