He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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