i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
