Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
