No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
