sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
