im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
