look no pants
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
