Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
