Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
