Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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