I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
