a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
