turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
