yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
