I'm gonna have a badass scar
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
