Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
