and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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