i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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