If that was your dad, he is hot
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
