hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
