just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
