The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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