THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
