PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
