yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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