Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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