Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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