He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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