you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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