everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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