I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
