The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
