on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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