needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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