If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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