Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
