Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
