So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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