i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
