he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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