toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
