Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize