Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're too hungover to prance.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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