Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
