don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize