he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
