does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
