Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
