A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
as a side note pls kill me
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