i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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