dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
