Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
