Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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