He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
