What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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