Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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