that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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