thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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